All About Max
by CSI Clue
Summary: Meet Max, a Potts-Stark Production. Third in the Fairy Tale series and yes, very, very sugary and fluffy. I know it already and I'm okay with that. The title is an homage to Lois Lowry's All About Sam.
1. Chapter 1

Max chewed. He did that a lot lately, because his mouth ached, and it felt good to chew. The tribble in his hand didn't agree; it squeaked pitifully with each jaw chomp, and saliva dripped off its blue fur.

Finally, Max let go of the tribble, who dropped to the blanket and shook itself, rolling to dry off as other tribbles backed away from it, murmuring little chirps of sympathy.

Teething time was rough in the playpen, and they all knew any one of them could be next.

Max looked around. Anyone looking at him would see a lean eleven-month old in a striped onesie and denim overalls, his fine baby hair dark and curly. He concentrated, looking for Mama, his gaze sweeping through the walls until he spotted her far off in the kitchen, warming up some macaroni and cheese.

This was good. Max _loved _macaroni and cheese. It tasted good and it squished good and he could eat some and throw some at the same time. He liked the way it smelled, too; all orange. Max crawled over to the side of the playpen and worked his fingers into the netting, pulling himself up so he could stand.

Standing was fun. He liked that. He was good at standing now, and walking. Running was harder, but he liked that best of all, especially when Dada chased him. That would make him giggle and when he got caught and Dada kissed him with his scratchy beard, Max would kick and giggle lots.

He tugged at the netting, feeling hungry. Maybe Mama would have a carrot for him to chew on, too. Max whimpered a little, and the tribbles clustered around his bare feet, cooing. He smiled for a moment, and then gripped the netting again.

It dissolved and Max tumbled onto the thick carpet, rolling a little as he landed. Behind him, the netting reappeared, and the tribbles all clustered anxiously, trying to squeeze through the small openings and failing.

Max looked at them and burbled, waving, then began to crawl towards the door. He made it part of the way, and then looked down. There was Floof, and with a squeal, Max pounced on him, making happy sounds.

Floof squeaked. He had a squeaker inside and Max knew if he squeezed Floof or sat on him or hit him in the right place, the squeaky would sing out and make him laugh.

Floof, Floof, Floof. Uncle Jim had given him the fuzzy stuffed airplane a long time ago, and Max liked how soft it was. He took Floof in one hand and tried to crawl with him. It was hard, but Max kept going to the door.

"Max?" Mama opened the door and found him. Max smiled up at her, because she smelled like macaroni and cheese. "How did you get out of your playpen, sweetheart?"

He dropped Floof and held out his arms, knowing Mama would pick him up. She was smart and knew lots of what he wanted. She knew when he wanted Up, and Down, and More, and Not Now, and Change and Cuddle. Mama made almost everything into a game, and Max knew it was nearly Lunch Man time, so he burbled and tried to eat a handful of Mama's hair as she carried him to the kitchen.

"Okay, today on Lunch Man, we have macaroni and cheese, along with a sippy cup and a big, fat carrot!" Mama announced. Max kicked and smacked his hands on the tray of his high chair, delighted. He watched as she pulled a chair up to sit next to him and stir the macaroni.

"And here comes Lunch Man, flying woooooooooo----!" Mama announced, making the spoon dip and soar. Max laughed and opened his mouth. "Right into the secret base, yum, yummy!"

Max chewed, glad to see that Mama has happy too. Lunch Man flew again and again, and each time Max chewed up each mouthful.

When Dada fed him, he called it Maxaroni, and he didn't play Lunch Man. Instead, he pretended HE was going to eat it, and Max would have to yell to get Dada to move the spoon the right way. It took a lot of yelling, but it was fun, and sometimes Dada _did_ eat some of it.

He was feeling full, so Max grabbed the spoon and smeared some of the mac and cheese on the tray. Mama zoomed in with a wet washcloth, and Max squirmed, trying to back away from it. Washcloth meant lunch was over, and THAT meant story time and nap.

Story time was good, but Max didn't like nap very much. He took the carrot with him as Mama carried them both to the living room. Dummy had brought out the playpen and Max watched him roll around to the back of the sofa. Max knew that Dummy liked story time too, even if Mama and Dada didn't know it.

Dummy liked lots of things that Max liked.

"Okay, today, Max sweetheart, we have But Not the Hippopotamus. Is that good?" Mama asked him while changing his diaper. Max crowed a little, dropping the carrot.

Dummy picked it up. Max sat on Mama's lap and helped her read by smacking the pages. Max knew that helped because Mama always laughed.

"A moose and a goose together have juice . . ." Mama read, "But not the . . ."

"Paa!" Max yelled, knowing that was right. He felt sorry for the hippopotamus because juice was good.

"A bear and a hare have been to a fair," Mama went on, "But not the . . ."

"Paa!" Max had this _down_, and hit the page, right on the balloons.

They went through the rest of the book, and Max looked at all the pictures, and chewed on his carrot. He hoped there would be another book, but when Mama put it away, he didn't see any others.

Max huffed. He began to suck in air, working his way up to a good cry, because now it was naptime, and he _hated_ naptime.

Naptime meant he had to stay in the playpen all by himself while Mama made the living room dark. He kicked in the air, and tried to make Sad face at Mama, but she just laughed and kissed him, blowing air on his neck.

That tickled, and Max couldn't be sad, not while he was giggling.

Mama always smelled good, like Cuddle milk , all clean. Not like Dada, who was stinky sometimes, and smelled like the workshop.

Max liked the workshop, and hoped he could go with Dada down there after nap. Workshop had noises and lights and sometimes, booms. Max wasn't scared of booms, even when they smelled funny and Dummy had to spray white stuff on fires and Dada said they were NOT going to tell Mama about it.

"Nap time," Mama said, like it was a good thing. Max knew better. He fussed when she took the carrot and gave him his Binky instead. When she put him in the playpen, he sucked hard on the Binky and kicked.

The tribbles came around him, and started to hum. Max blinked. He liked it when they hummed Spongebob and tried to tickle him. Mama kissed his head and went away with Dummy, turning out the lights.

Max whimpered. He blinked again, and lay down, just a little bit. He wasn't going to sleep, though. Not him. Max kicked some more, but the tribbles knew how to stay out of the way of his feet. They crept closer to his shoulders, still humming softly. Max yawned widely around the Binky, and closed his eyes just for a little bit because he wasn't going to take a nap.

Nope.

_Max looked around and yelled his happy yell. The little beach with sand and the tall bushes was all around him. Max loved this place, and he knew it was HIS. He grabbed some sand and threw it in the air. The grains turned into ladybugs and they flew away._

_Max clapped and began to crawl. He found one of the tall bushes and pulled himself up, grinning because it was good to be up. The air smelled nice, and Max looked around to see who was there._

_Floof was there. And Augie and Miss Clairol and their Pengraff babies. Max knew he couldn't say 'Augie' yet, or 'Miss Clairol' but that didn't matter. They came over to him and cuddled, and he laughed, patting them all over. _

"_Naptime, huh?"Augie said and beeped Max's nose. "Gettin' big, kiddo."_

_Max agreed, and hugged Miss Clairol, who gave him warm fuzzies back with her long eyelashes._

_They all played Digging a Hole for a long time, and Max liked finding treasure. There was a Blackberry like Mama's, and a Car Keys, and an Arc like Dada's and a See and Say. The babies kept running around the hole and falling in and climbing out. Max threw sand, and turned it to Mac and Cheese and the babies ate it all up._

"Max . . . Mad Max . . ."

Max woke up, smiling because Dada was bending over the playpen to pick him up and naptime was over.

Dada sniffed and made a funny face. "Thanks. Yeah, I appreciate the chance to work with fresh toxic waste, Maximum Trouble."

Max spit out his Binky and reached for Dada, who picked him up and changed him. It was a stinky one, but Max didn't care, because now Dada was handing the diaper to Dummy and they were going to go to the Workshop. They went down the stairs, Max on Dada's shoulders.

"And here we are, Stark and Son, engineering team extraordinaire, ready to split atoms, smooth out the bugs with cold fusion and field-test any Fisher-Price products that happen to be lying around."

Max liked being included, and laughed again. Dada called Butterfingers over and hung the jumpy swing from his long arm.

Jumpy swing was great. Max could jump very high, and get the giggles. Butterfingers could roll around and Max liked that too, because then he could watch and touch things and put them in his mouth.

Dada took some of them away, but there were other things that it was okay to touch and chew. Max especially liked the big rubber welding gloves which tasted nice and smoky.

"Okay, today, we upgrade relay circuits, Max. This is all really thrilling, so bear with me. Do we want music?" Dada asked him.

Max looked over at the Jarvis, waiting. The Jarvis was in different places in the house, but in the Workshop, the Jarvis was in the computer.

"Jarvis, what selections ala toddler do we have today?" Dada asked, sitting at the bench and pulling out tools.

Max hoped it would be _Wheels on the Bus_.

"Our musical choices today are _Itsy Bitsy Spider, Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes_, and that world renowned classic, _Farmer in the Dell_, Sir."

"Max?" Dada asked.

Max wiggled in his jumpy seat because if _Wheels on the Bus_ wasn't on, then _Farmer in the Dell_ was good too.

"Farmer it is, Jarvis. Crank it."

Max yelled and bounced in his jumper, thrilled. He sang, even though he knew he wasn't very good, and Dada sang too, bending over something on the table.

It was noisy, just the way Max liked it, and he bounced around, waving his arms.

The workshop was the best place at home, Max knew. He liked everything here except the Face, and Dada always kept it wide open so that Max didn't cry.

The first time he saw the Face, Max cried and cried. Even when it opened up and he saw Dada inside, smiling at him and telling him it was okay, it wasn't. The Face was scary, even if Dada was behind it, and Max didn't like it one little bit. The Face made him want to go away, fast.

"The dog takes the cat, the dog takes the cat, Heigh Ho the dairy-o the dog takes the cat," Dada sang. "I wonder where they go, or if it's got some other meaning?"

"It's 'take' as in 'choose,'" Max heard Mama come in and kicked. Butterfingers rolled over, and Max made big jumps. "Hey there, Max!" Mama came over with a sippy cup.

Juice! Max's favorite. He squealed and took it, plugging in because he didn't even know he was thirsty, but he was.

"Ah. I thought it could be 'take' as in a very old, um, Anglo-Saxon biblical sort of reference, which would make some of the verses very *non*-suitable for the Stark scion here," Dada said as Mama came over to hug him.

"You are disgusting," Mama said, but Max knew she was laughing inside.

"I am not, I just have a very broad and inquiring mind," Dada said. Max could tell he was happy too, because his glow was strong.

Max drank, and watched Mama, who was pushing hair out of Dada's eyes. Mama liked neat hair. She brushed her hair every morning and brushed his too, but Dada had to brush his own.

"Are you sure about tonight?" Mama asked, "Because I *can* cancel."

"Pepper, no. Max and I will be fine. You go and have a good time at Moth Mothers, and we won't burn down the house or anything."

Max yelled, to show he was good with it too, and Mama came over to pick him up. She had on the pretty necklace that looked like it tasted good, so Max tried to grab it and check.

"Okay then. You have my number, and you know he needs to go down by eight, and he likes his bath—"

"--Full of Hooters waitresses and singing monkeys, yeah, yeah," Dada said, to make Mama laugh.

"Tony!"

"What? Oh wait, those are _my _baths," Dada came over to get Max, but Max still wanted the pretty necklace, and squirmed a little. "Come on, Maxinator, let's tell mommy to hit the road already."

Max was excited. He could wave bye-bye, and so he started to. Mama laughed, but Max knew she was a little scared inside.

He wasn't scared. Dada was fun to stay with. He might even get ice cream and maybe they'd watch Robot Wars. Max LOVED Robot Wars was Dada. Even Uncle Jim watched that, and all of them could yell as much as they liked.

Max knew Dummy didn't want to be a fighting robot, even though Dada kept saying he would make him one, someday. Dummy liked being in the house, and picking up things, and spraying.

Dummy really, really liked spraying.

"Okay then, but no crazy food, Tony. I _mean_ that!" Mama said. "The last time, Max had Ding Dong crumbs all the way down to his belly button!"

Max frowned. He liked Ding Dongs. Dada would let him smear them on the table. In fact, Max wanted a Ding Dong right now, so he thought about it, hard.

"Fine, fine, we'll stick with Gerber's and Vienna sausages," Dada said. "Fancy dining, toddler style."

"See that you do," Mama grumbled. Max looked up and smiled, while Mama and Dada stared at him.

He waved the Ding Dong in his hand at them.

Max wondered why they both looked at him so funny. Mama came over and took the Ding Dong. Max got huffy, but Mama kissed him and looked at Dada.

"I'll just . . . put this back in the kitchen," Mama said softly.

Max waved bye-bye again, to Mama and the Ding Dong.


	2. Chapter 2

It was dinnertime, and Max burbled when Dada carried him into the kitchen to look for something to eat. Eating with Dada was fun. Dada made messes, just like Max, and he liked eating lots of the same stuff.

"Vienna snausages, Vienna snausages . . . do they really come from Vienna?" Dada asked, getting a jar down and looking at it.

Max didn't know what a Vienna was, but he knew sausages. They were squishable. He crowed when Dada set him in the high chair, and looked up, waiting.

Dada opened the jar and it made a little 'pop' noise. "Presto! _This_ is the secret of being a man, Maxpot. Opening jars. Women will ask you to do it all your life, so get ready."

Max was ready. He reached out and yelled a little, because sometimes Dada wasn't as good as Mama about knowing what to do.

Dada handed him a sausage. Then Dada ate one too.

Max took a wet bite. Good. He was hungry, and he wanted another one right away, so he held out his other hand.

"You already _have_ one, Max."

Max looked down and saw Dada was right. He stuffed it in, and chomped. Half of the uneaten sausage fell out, and that made Max laugh.

"Okay, Mom would say that's gross--but not me."

Dada scooped it up and popped it in his mouth, which made Max laugh again. Dada did things Mama would never do. Mama always cleaned up spills with a washcloth, and told Max to be careful.

Dada just ate stuff.

"Okay, here's another sausage, and let's see what else we have for the young prince—hmmmmm," Dada said, looking in the cupboard. "Strained peas—that's out. Squash? What, is she _kidding?_ Mashed beans, not much better, peaches, very messy---"

"Maaaah!" Max called out. He liked peaches, and could get them from ear to ear, according to Mama.

"Peaches," Dada murmured. "Goopy, goopy peaches. More of this is going to end up on the floor than in you, we both know that, right Maxamonkey?"

Max wanted another sausage, and waved.

"One for Maxitron, and one for me," Dada said, handing him one. "One for Max the Mighty, and one for me . . ."

They finished the jar, and Dada got the peaches out. Max wiggled because he was happy.

"I should get a funnel and just pour it in," Dada said, but he got a spoon and did it the right way for most of the jar. Max bit the spoon a few times and Dada had to pull it out.

"Whoa, enough with the chompers there. No eating the silverware, buddy."

Max growled a little. He was getting full now and wanted down, so he turned his head when Dada tried to feed him more peaches. The spoonful went along his cheek.

Dada sighed. "Smear campaign. Okay Momotaro, let's blow this joint."

Max knew that meant dinner was done, and he approved. He tried to lick the washcloth when Dada mopped his face up, and let his hands get washed too.

"Want to go play on the beach?" Dada asked and Max yelled again because Beach was great. They took the elevator down, and outside the sun was just over the edge of the water. Max blinked and looked around for Augie and Miss Clairol, but it was only him and Dada and Butterfingers carrying the toy basket.

Max wiggled to get down, but Dada didn't set him on the sand until he looked around everywhere first, even on the water.

"Okay, here we go," Dada said and put him on the sand. Max picked some up. Would it taste good? He ate a mouthful before Dada sighed and brushed his hand clean.

No. Sand still did not taste good.

"Here, have Floof," Dada gave him the stuffed plane.

Floof! Max squeezed him hard and giggled. Dada sat down in the camp chair and pulled out Magic Cord. Max wiggled when Dada put him in the harness and hooked up the other end to Butterfingers.

Max crawled, looking around, feeling happy. Beach was good. He couldn't go very far because of Magic Cord, but that was okay. There was sand, and lots of smells and the toy basket and Dada, who was digging.

He needed help, so Max went to go dig too. Dada tried to show him how to use a shovel, but it didn't work.

"Ahhh!" Max got excited and threw the shovel.

Dada caught it with one hand. "Hey!"

Max was busy. He dug, throwing sand, and it felt so good he wanted to sing. Max sang _Wheels on the Bus_ and bounced. He wanted Dada to sing too, but Dada was too busy brushing sand out of his hair and face.

They dug a big hole, and then Dada drew pictures in the sand with a stick, and told Max they were equations.

Max did an equation too. Then he helped Dada's equations with more lines and sand. Then Dada did an equation and said it was him and Mama and Max all together. He put a heart around it, but Max didn't notice because he found a feather and needed to see if it tasted good.

Dada took the feather away.

Max started to huff, getting ready to cry. Mama didn't like it when Max cried. Dada didn't either, and he always gave Max things so he wouldn't.

"Ohboy. Okay, let's see what we have. Hey Max, want a welding glove?"

Max looked over and started to crawl towards Dada. He still felt mad about the feather and gave Dada a mean look.

Dada laughed. "Oh that's a hell of a pout, Max Factor. If that bottom lip goes out any further you could touch your nose with it."

Max grabbed the glove and bit it. That made him feel better, and he chewed for a while as Dada unhooked him from Magic Cord, picked him up and they went down the beach a little ways. It was getting darker, and the wind was colder, but Max didn't mind.

He smiled at Dada and gave him the glove.

"That's my boy," Dada told him softly. Then Dada tossed him in the air, and Max laughed. He kicked and giggled because this was the best UP. Dada threw him high again, and Max stayed up, laughing.

"Whoa. Max, buddy—um, you have to come down," Dada said in a funny voice. Max let Dada reach up and take him. Max knew Dada was worried, but it was okay.

He patted Dada's beard and said so. "Habababa."

"Yeaaaaaah. Let's not tell Mom about this either," Dada said.

*** *** ***

Max liked Bath. Bath meant he could get naked, and Max LOVED getting naked. When he got naked it felt good, and he could crawl fast and run fast. Max tried to get naked sometimes even when it wasn't Bath, but Mama always put his clothes back on—everything but the socks anyway—and told him he needed not to be a noodie.

He wanted to be a noodie, though. Sometimes Mama and Dada were noodies, and didn't take a bath. They just got noisy and happy in their room.

Max held up his arms so Dada could take his shirt off. When Dada turned, Max took off. He laughed and ran and it felt GREAT. Max wanted to go to the living room, where they lived, and climb on the sofa. He ran and then the Jarvis spoke.

"Your young streaker is in the living room, sir."

"Thanks. Okay, Nature Boy, where do you think _you're_ going?" Dada grumbled. Max could tell that Dada wasn't really mad, so he giggled and climbed on the sofa, waving his arms as he looked out the dark window at the beach.

Noodie was good!

"Whoa, Captain Exhibitionist, the bath is in the other room." Dada said and scooped him up. Max wiggled as Dada carried him off.

"Jarvis?"

"Sir?"

"Save the footage to Pepper's baby file. I'm sure she'll get a kick out of it."

"Consider it done, sir."

Bath was warm, and Max liked that. He splashed. He splashed the wall, and the bubbles and the toys and Dada. Max splashed Dada a lot, and Dada splashed back, which was fun. They sloshed the water and Dada showed Max how to push the bubbles around and make mountains with them.

Dada even showed him how to make a beard with bubbles!

The only thing Max _didn't _like was hair-washing, so he yelled about it while Dada did it and then rolled him in a towel and called him a burrito.

Max liked his green pajamas because they were fuzzy. He let Dada put them on him, and when Dada carried him out to the living room, Max put his head on Dada's shoulder.

It felt good. Mama liked to sing to him, but Dada just talked, and Max could feel the rumble of his voice which was nice.

"So I was thinking we could hit the Cancun Club tomorrow and see about some new swim shorts, Sport. And if you're good, we might even go down to the park and feed the ducks if you want."

"Geef," Max agreed. He liked feeding the ducks because they quacked and waved their wings. Max put his thumb in his mouth while he and Dada settled down in the rocking chair and Dada picked out a book. The tribbles were in the crib all up by the rail, waiting.

"Ann Likes Red. She looks cute. What do you think, Max?"

Max looked at the picture for a moment, and then smacked the page.

"Gotta be nicer to girls, buddy. They're not for smacking. Ever," Dada murmured. "Understand?"

Max yawned. They read about Ann liking red for her dress and her shoes and her coat and then Max fell asleep because he didn't remember the end.

Later Max woke up for a little bit. He could hear Mama and Dada talking out in the living room, but he was too tired to make noise.

"So, everything went okay?" Mama asked.

"Oh yeah. By the third Girls Gone Wild DVD he was out," Dada told her.

Mama made a huffy noise, but Max knew she was laughing. "Tony!"

"Oh give me a break—although there *is* some new video footage of a suggestive nature that our little pant-less wonder stars in."

"Got away from you at bath time, did he?" Mama said, and Max grinned.

He sighed and rolled over, and the tribbles crowded around humming softly. Out in the living room, he could hear Mama and Dada purring at each other, and that was good too. Max closed his eyes and went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Fish.

Max looked through the big glass window and laughed. He patted his hands on the glass, excited by all the glittering shapes moving past on the other side. He liked the way they were shiny.

"They're pretty, aren't they Max?" Mama agreed with him. Max bounced in her arms and agreed.

Fish were exciting. He pushed against the glass and tried to bite it, but Mama pulled him back and pointed to something she called a zebrafish.

Max crowed.

The big aquarium in the main lobby at Dadawork was one of his favorite things, and every time Mama brought him to Dadawork, they stopped and looked at all the fish. Max liked the big of it, and how the fish floated through the water.

He wanted to touch a fish.

"And those are angelfish and clownfish, like Nemo, Max. See Nemo?"

Max did, because he liked orange. He pushed his face on the glass and stared. It made his nose all flat and he giggled.

"We need to go, Max," Mama told him gently. Max kept staring, because if he looked hard enough, he could see more fish.

He licked the glass.

Then Mama pulled him away to wipe his mouth with her fingers, and Max started to whine. He wanted to look _more _at the aquarium, but Mama was giving him Floof and telling him about what a good boy he was, and how Mrs. Moon would have a cookie for him up in her office.

They moved into the big lobby, and Max could see lots of people around; almost as many as fish. Some of them came to talk to Mama and smile at him. Max felt scared and put his face up against Mama's sweater so he couldn't see anybody.

He felt better.

"He's a little shy," Mama told people, and tried to go to the lulvator.

Max liked the lulvator because it would go Up and Down really fast. Mama was rubbing his back with soothie love and it felt good. Max peeked to see who was still there.

The blonde lady in front of Mama was scary. She was looking at him _hard _and Max did not like that.

"Would you say he gets his coloring and looks from his _father_?" the lady asked Mama.

"I really couldn't say," Mama said, and Max felt her squeeze him.

Max wiggled so he could breathe.

"Because with that _dark_ hair and those _brown_ eyes--" the mean lady was saying. "Genetics do have a way of bringing out the truth, _Miss _Potts."

Max felt Mama breathe in, and knew she was going to do a Calm. Mama did that to mean people to make them feel better. "Oh dear, I think I smell . . . something. Max, sweetie, we need to change your diaper. Please don't let us keep you from the press conference, Ms. Everhart—Max and I will just go . . ."

The mean lady looked confused, and Max waved bye-bye, so she would go away. He didn't smell anything, but that was okay. Maybe he _did_ have a dirty diaper—sometimes Max got so busy he didn't remember.

Mama carried him around the lobby towards the front, and Max hugged her because that always made Mama feel better. She smiled at him and they went into a little room.

Dada was there! Max immediately reached out for Dada, but Mama wouldn't let him, and set the diaper bag down.

Max threw Floof because he was mad.

"They're all out there already—I thought the statement was at _nine_, Tony!" Mama said and dug out a clean diaper. Max got up and went over to Dada's chair.

"Not _my_ fault," Dada said. "Media Department bumped it up, apparently. Max, buddy, that's no way to treat a plane, even if it_ is_ ninety percent acrylic."

Dada did Up after Max pulled on his pant leg, and happy now, Max patted Dada's mustache just to check on it.

"Still there," Dada told him, "keeping it. Hey Maximum Overdrive, you going to see Mrs. Moon?"

Max yelled a happy yell to tell Dada yes, he was. Mama took him and laid him down to change his diaper.

"Okay, save me a cookie. Gotta go—" Dada told him and stepped out the door. Max waved bye-bye and kicked.

"Not helpful, sweetie," Mama told him, slipping off his shoes.

Just as she started to change him, BlackBerry rang, and Mama had to talk to it.

Max played with his socks in the air and Mama talked.

Max took his socks off, and Mama talked.

Max threw his socks, and Mama talked.

Max got noodie, and Mama talked.

Finally, bored, Max got up and went to the door.

There were lots of people, and Max was a little scared, but he saw Dada's legs and then the rest of Dada, and Max decided to go see him.

". . . No layoffs at this time. Stark Industries stands by its employees through this crisis . . . . whoa!"

Max laughed and smacked the wood thing in front of Dada. When Dada went to grab him, Max was ready.

He ran, and people got out of his way.

"Ok-aaay, you're taking Casual Friday a little _far_, Max, come on, buddy--" Dada told him, running after him and scooping him up. "Let's get back IN the pants."

Max laughed and wiggled.

"Dada!" Max said.

Everyone was very quiet. Max wiggled again and patted Dada's mustache. Dada did not look happy. He looked back at Mama, who was near the wood thing, and very quiet too. Mama was all red.

Max leaned back, waaaaay back in Dada's arms until he was almost going to fall, but he knew he wasn't. Dada never let him fall.

"Uhhhh," Dada said, pulling him back up.

"Tony," Mama said, and came over. Max held out his arms and hugged her hard. All the people made a funny noise, like the tribbles, sort of.

Mama was quickly nodding at Dada, but her mouth was all twisted.

So was Dada's.

"Uh, okay. Most of you out there probably know this is Max," Dada said slowly. "He's about twenty pounds now, and lives at my house, and in case you were wondering--yeah, he's mine."

Max let Mama put a diaper on him, and he fussed about the shirt, but it was okay when he got his head through it. There was lots of clicking out in the people and lights. Max didn't like it. He could feel a cry coming on.

"Shhhh, it's okay Max," Mama told him softly. "The wheels on the bus go round and round . . ."

"Hey, guys—help us out," Dada was saying. "You know this one, right? You—Mitch, you've got kids. And Donna, Wall Street Journal—I know you've got at least one at home. Come on, I'm betting you can carry a tune better than I can, right? All through the towwwwwn. Next verse. The wipers on the bus go swish, swish swish . . ." Dada said, waving at the people.

Max blinked and looked around.

They were singing. They were singing his SONG!

"The baby on the bus goes 'wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, The baby on the bus goes—" everybody sang to Max.

He loved them. Max held out his arms and gave them all a great big Love from inside.

Everybody except the scary lady, who was not singing. She looked like a crab on the beach.

When everybody was done, Max clapped for them and then he felt shy again, and hid against Mama's sweater one more time. Max could hear Dada talking.

"Thank you all for that. Definitely a press conference first, but Max here appreciated it. Clearly. Yes, Donna—"

"He's adorable. What are you feeding him?"

"Max is, um, just getting into solids. Really big on Vienna sausages."

"Mr. Stark, has he had his Dip-Tet yet?"

"First round. Pepper, want to help me out here?"

"He'd been immunized, yes. Not his favorite thing."

"Mr. Stark! Has fatherhood changed your priorities concerning Iron Man?"

"Yes. I have a curfew now. Next question?"

"Will you and Miss Potts be getting married, Mr. Stark?"

"That's entirely up to her. The offer's been made—several times, I'd like that on the record—but I'm willing to abide by whatever she wants."

Then the scary lady talked. Max looked over at her standing there with her hands on her hips. He could tell Dada and Mama didn't like her very much. "Mr. Stark, with your checkered past, don't you think this is really not the best time in your career to _attempt_ to be a father?"

The room got very quiet, and Max looked around. He could feel Dada hurting inside; the scary lady made him feel bad.

Max reached for Dada, and Dada took him out of Mama's arms. Max patted his mustache and smiled.

Dada smiled back at him, and a lot of the hurt went away. Not all of it—Max could still feel a little inside Dada—but a lot of it was gone.

"I'm not _attempting_ anything, Miss Everhart. I _am_ a father. And frankly, out of all the things I've ever managed to produce in my career, Max here is the absolute best, bar none. Maxinator, let's go see Mrs. Moon and get a cookie, okay pal?"

Max yelled to agree this was a very good idea. He waved bye-bye to all the nice people who did the singing.

He hoped Mrs. Moon had circus cookies. Those were the best.

They went into the lulvator and went Up.

Mama looked scared and leaned against Dada. "Tony . . . why is it when you have a press conference, we can never _ever_ get through them without . . ."

"Not my fault this time!" Dada told her back. "I wasn't the one streaking in front of the podium! And besides, Max had them eating out of his hand, totally."

Max looked at his hand. No food there. Did somebody eat his cookie?

"But when he called you—"

"—I know. It was . . . great," Dada smiled. "Finally. After weeks and weeks of nothing but 'Mama' 'Mama' 'Mama'. . ."

"He's got _your_ sense of dramatics," Mama said, but she was finally smiling, and Max reached to beep her nose. "Don't you, Sweetheart?"

Max laughed, and wiggled because he was happy.

"Okay then," Mama sighed. "I'll start getting the press release . . . released. I guess this means we'll have to schedule some pictures, and fill in that birth certificate."

"And get married," Dada told her. "Let's send the first invitation to Everhart."

"No," Mama told him. "I'd be tempted to throw more than just a bouquet at her."

The lulvator stopped and when they got out, office people were clapping. Max liked that and clapped too.

Dada smiled, and Max felt him reach for Mama's hand and squeeze it.

This was good, and Max was happy.

And hungry.


	4. Chapter 4

It was picture time and Max hated it. Pictures meant he had to take a bath, and wear dress-up clothes and get his hair brushed and sit still.

Max couldn't sit still. There was a lot he needed to do, right now. He needed to clap his hands, and sing, and run, and touch noses with Mama, and shout and bite Floof and wiggle and take his shoes off. That was all _really_ important.

So he fussed. Luckily Dada fussed too, so they could fuss together. Dada didn't like sitting still either; Max could tell. Dada would sigh and roll his eyes and look at the Jarvis in the ceiling and say things under his breaths.

The only one who liked pictures was Mama. Max thought it was because she was pretty and could sit still and like it. Mama made the best pictures, and Dada liked them. Max knew because there were lots of pictures of Mama at Work and in the Workshop too. She would hide some of them, but Dada always put up more.

"These will be for the press release, Tony, so I really need you two to be good," Mama said.

Max hoped they would show their wings. He loved their wings. Mama had pretty wings that smelled like they were good to eat. She only showed them late at night.

Dada's wings were shiny and looked like sharp shadows. Max liked Arc and wings.

He wanted Arc and wings too.

"So when does the photographer get here? I've got stuff to do," Dada said. Max agreed; he had stuff to do too. He looked on the floor for something to pick up and taste.

"They _should_ have been here. You two stay put; I'm going to check with the studio," Mama said, and she pointed a finger at them, so Max knew she was serious.

Serious Mama was serious, so Max pointed back at her.

After she left, Dada set Max on the floor and Max looked under the sofa. There was a tribble there, and he crawled to go get it. The tribble rolled towards him, sounding sad. Max picked it up and almost put it in his mouth when he felt Dada's hand on his foot.

"Outta there. We have to stay clean or Mom's going to skin us, pal."

Max giggled when Dada slid him out. He threw the tribble and Dada caught it. "Nice try, Shorty, but I've got cat-like reflexes."

The tribble squeaked, and Max sat up as Dada looked at the tribble.

"Ohh, renegade. We've got a runner, Max. Let's see what's going on."

Max pulled himself up to a stand using Dada's pant leg and watched as Dada took the fur off the tribble and examined it.

This was Work, and Max liked it. He wanted to look at the tribble too, and pulled on Dada's pants until Dada bent down and showed it to him. "There's a little loose piece of metal jammed in it. Must have picked up something from the floor. Let's pull it out and see if that helps."

"Aga!" Max agreed. He watched as Dada very carefully pulled something out of the naked tribble and put the piece in his pocket, then blew on the naked tribble.

It cooed and Max clapped. Daddy was really good at Fix!

"Thank you," Dada said, and did a little bow. "Let's put the pants back on our friend here--"

Max giggled; he knew all about noodie, yep. Once the tribble was fuzzy again, Max grabbed for it and squished it close.

It purred.

Mama came back and she looked mad. "They're caught behind a big pileup on the freeway; they won't be here for another hour, so I cancelled. This is so frustrating because you two look so good right now, and I know that's not going to last."

"Oh _thanks_" Dada said, but Max knew he was laughing inside because he was smiling at Mama. "Let's just get Jarvis to take a few candid pictures, and we can choose from one of those, okay?"

And Mama smiled again.

They _tickled_ him, and Max got the giggles. It was fun when Mama or Dada tickled him, but when they _both_ did it, he loved it the most and laughed and laughed and laughed. They were on the big soft puff on the big bed in Mama and Dada's room, and Max was making a Grrr face at Dada, who was making a Grrr face back at him while Mama watched.

Mama scooped him up and kissed his whole face, and Max liked that too. He pretended to bite her chin, but he didn't because he knew it was bad to bite people.

Biting was just for food.

And Floof.

And tribbles.

And interesting stuff from the floor.

Then Dada put his arms around Mama and squished Max right in the middle, and Max laughed really hard He laughed so hard he tooted—just a little squeaky one-- and that made Mama and Dada start laughing too.

"Gas-propelled baby!" Dada said and picked Max up. "Good thing we're not near any open flames."

"Do NOT give him any ideas, Tony!" Mama said. "Bad enough that he's already into tools—ohhhhhhhhh . . . ."

Now Mama sounded scared, and Max looked at her, worried. Dada looked at her too. "What?"

"Tony, his back!" she said, and Max wiggled.

"What do you . . . oh God."

Now Dada sounded serious, and Max whimpered. He didn't like it when Mama and Dada were scared, and he wiggled more. Mama was taking his shirt off now, and that felt better. Then she was touching him.

Sort of.

On his back, but not on it, and Max turned to look.

"He's not supposed to get these yet! OhmyGod!"

Max could feel a cry coming. Mama was scared, and Dada was scared and it made him feel bad. He started to huff, but Mama took him and hugged him, kissing his head. "Oh Max, sweetie," she said in a sad little voice.

He cried.

Max didn't like crying because it hurt his everything. He cried when things hurt, or when he was mad; sometimes when he was tired, but right now he was scared, and all he wanted was Mama.

Dada was rubbing his shoulders and saying Soothie Love, and that felt better too, but Max was still scared.

"Fortingall's. I'll get some."

Mama was carrying him to the bathroom. "And a towel. Come on Sweetie, let's dry them off."

Max stood on the counter and looked. His eyes were red, and his face was wet. He had the after-cry hiccups.

And he had wings!

He smiled, big. _(hic)_

Yes!

Mama was drying them off and it felt nice. He reached to touch them on the mirror. The Other Max moved too, _(hic)_ and for a minute Max frowned.

Then he looked over his shoulder and that was right, because his wings were there. Max wanted to touch them, but it was hard because _(hic)_ he kept turning around and they would not be closer.

Mama was trying not to laugh. "It's okay, Max. I can't really touch mine either. See? You have Dragonfly, like Daddy. But amber and brown colors, like me."

Then Dada came back and put lotion on, and that felt a lot better. The hiccups went away, and Max settled up against Mama, closing his eyes.

Mama and Dada were talking, and Max heard them be worried in their voices, but proud too. Max was going to sleep, all warm and comfortable on Mama.

"They've retracted, but I don't know for how long. We need to call Mab, Tony. I know you don't like her--"

"—But she'll know what to do, yeah. I should have seen this coming, Pepper, I *should* have. The kid's precocious and ahead of the curve on so much—"

"Shhhh, Tony, stop," Max heard Mama say, and then he fell asleep.

*** *** ***

_The Big Man was there at the Beach Place, and Max liked that. The Big Man was a lot of fun. He told Max stories and let him climb on the motorcycle and called him 'Princeling' which was funny._

_Max knew about Prince. He was the one who hit the dragon before making Beauty girl get up from Nap. Max wanted to hit dragons. That would be fun._

"_Do my eyes deceive me, or have you Sprouted, Princeling Max? Damn—that's a hell of a surprise. Bet Daddy defecated some serious building material at that. Let's have a look, shall we?" Big Man rumbled._

_Max let Big Man pick him up and look at his wings._

"_Amber Dragonfly; rare. They look good on you, Prince PeeWee. Muy macho," Big Man rumbled._

_Max patted the Big Man's chin and wondered if he had wings._

"_Yep," Big Man assured him, and opened them up. _

_Max yelled because they were big and shiny with lots of sparkly colors. Big Man waved them and made some of the sand fly up, then closed his wings. "Wings are a secret, Max. We only show wings to family."_

_Max nodded. He waved his wings a little bit and laughed because it tickled._

"_Nice. You'll be airborne pretty quick. Wings before your first birthday—the last person that happened to . . . was . . .*me,*" Big Man said slowly, smiling._

_It was a little scary when the Big Man smiled. _

_Then, the Big Man showed him how to throw kisses, and after a while, Max could hit everything, even the Pengraff babies._

_It was fun, even if he didn't know what 'apprentice' meant._

_*** *** ***_

The three photos appeared in three of the top tabloids, gifted on the promise that a percent of the issue sales would be donated to the March of Dimes. Instead of posed and formal portraits, the trio of shots were dynamic, cheerful and surprisingly sweet, generating a wave of support among the general public.

Max between his parents, laughing.

Max and his father, pretending to growl at each other.

Max and his mother, playing peek-a-boo.

Max _liked_ looking at his picture. He smacked it and laughed because it didn't hurt. He was sitting in Mab's lap, and Mab laughed too.

"Now, now, Maximillian, let us be gentle! You are a princeling, and a very good boy too, you are!" Mab told him and hugged him.

Max wiggled; Mab was taking away the pictures and he pouted.

Then Mab put her hands on his cheeks and made him look at her. Max wasn't sure if he liked that, but when she smiled, he smiled.

"You have wings, sweetheart. That is a good thing, yes?"

Max nodded. He loved his wings. He could make them move very fast now, and even go Up.

"But wings are _only_ for family. Yes?"

Max nodded. Wings were only for family.

"Good. That's a very good boy, Max. Wings are good and pretty and only for family. Would you like a cookie?"

Yes. Max would.

He took the cookie that showed up in Mab's hand and began to eat it while she talked to Mama and Dada. It was a good cookie, and tasted like tater tots and chocolate.

"He'll be fine, although you may want skip using the ceiling fans for a few months," Mab said. "And open windows."

"You're saying my kid's going to _fly?" _Dada was growling.

"Of course he is, Anthony. Be sensible! Simply keep Max in snug shirts most of the time, and supervise him well on all other occasions. You're good parents and doing a fine job. I'm not at all worried," Mab said. "In fact, his early Sprouting could be a sign of great things to come."

Max looked up at Mama and Dada and then blew them a kiss.

Just like Big Man taught him.

They looked at each other, and Max finished the cookie while Mama and Dada kissed.

Mab looked happy.

Max hoped she had another cookie.


	5. Chapter 5

Max was suspicious.

The table was metal, like Workshop, but there were no tools here, or Jarvis, just cotton balls and a lady in a white coat. She had on a long necklace with a shiny button on it.

Mama was holding his hands and telling him he was a good boy. That was not right. Just that morning Max had spilled juice, and in the car he'd made a big fuss about Seat Belt, so Max *knew* he wasn't a good boy.

"It will all be over in a second, Max," the lady in the white coat said. "And then I will give you some stickers for being brave today."

Max liked stickers. He liked to put them on things and take them off again. Over and over.

Dummy liked stickers too, and let Max put them on his claws.

The tribbles did not like stickers.

"Okay, here we go," the lady said, and then she did something and it _hurt_.

Max yelled! He looked at his leg and he could see a _sharp_ in her hand, and then she was wiping his leg with cotton, but Max was kicking now, and getting really MAD.

Mama was petting him, and the Lady was talking like everything was okay, but Max knew it wasn't. He'd been _stuck _and that HURT.

He stuck out his lip and cried.

Afterwards, Max let Mama carry him outside and they went to the park. Usually Max loved the park because it was full of stuff to look at and play with and jump on. But Max was cranky.

He let Mama put him on the blanket and give him some juice. Max flopped down and drank a little and then he fell asleep, even though it was not Nap time.

_His beach place was there, but Max didn't see Miss Clairol or Augie or the Pengraff babies at all. He tried to stand up but it took a long time because he was hot and tired. Max went to where the water was supposed to be but it wasn't there._

_He looked, and it was far away. Very far away. _

_Max wanted to cry. The water was far away and he wanted to go into it where it would be cold, but he couldn't._

_He tried to Up. His wings came out and he bounced, but very slowly because Max was tired. The beach would not be nearer, even though he tried hard and hard and hard to go to it . . . _

Max woke up. Mama was holding a washcloth on his head and it felt good. They were at Home, and Max was confused because he thought they were at the park. It was dark outside now, and the tribbles were humming.

He was very tired.

Mama was there and Dada too, and they were talking in low voices.

Max closed his eyes again.

He felt better in the morning. Mama was fussy though, so they had to go in the car again. It was the big car, and Max liked that because Mama could play Patty Cake with him while the happy man drove.

The happy man was a good driver. Max wondered if that was what made him so happy, even though he didn't smile.

Now Max was on the metal table again, and the Lady in the White Coat looked at him carefully.

Max looked at her carefully too. Was she going to stick him again?

"He's had a bit of a reaction, but his vitals are fine and he doesn't have a fever, so I'd say he's on the mend. As long as you keep him hydrated he should be fine."

Hydrated sounded scary. Max hugged Mama tight and was glad when she gave him some juice instead.

In the Wait Room, they waited for Dada to come get them. Max looked around at all the pictures and toys and then he saw a Thing in a man's lap. It was looking at him, and he looked back.

The Thing had a binky.

Max wanted a binky. His was in the car, with Dada.

Max hoped Dad would bring it. He made Down noise and Mama set him on the carpet, keeping an eye on him. Max held on the chair and went over to the Thing.

The Thing looked at him, and Max could see the binky better.

It was a nice one! Max grabbed it; and put it in his own mouth.

"Max!" Mama said.

Max started to wiggle away from her, but then the Thing reached out and grabbed his nose, HARD.

Max yelled and dropped the binky.

The Thing laughed and it sounded so squeaky and funny that Max laughed too, even though his nose hurt a little bit.

"Whoah, Cecilia Jane, let go of the boy, honey," the man said and reached out to take the Thing's fingers off Max's nose.

Max stared at the Thing. The Thing made the funny noise again, and then burped.

Max laughed. He LIKED burping, and the Thing could burp too!

Then Mama picked him up and said she was so sorry to the man and the Thing and gave back the binky. The man laughed said it was no big deal but he put it away. The Thing looked at Max and yelled.

Max yelled too, to show he could.

"Cool it, CeeCee," the man said. The Thing wanted down; Max could tell. It wiggled and twisted, and finally the man set it down. Max walked over when it was on the carpet and stared.

The Thing had overalls, but they were pink.

Max wanted pink overalls.

The Thing had tennis shoes with glitter on them.

Max wanted tennis shoes with glitter on them.

The Thing had a bow on its head, with little shiny hearts on it.

Max . . . did NOT want a bow.

Bows were for . . .

He stared at the Thing and went a little bit closer to it.

The Thing stared back at him, so Max very carefully reeeeeeeached out and . . . poked.

The Thing did that squeaky noise, and rolled over, legs kicking, and everyone smiled. Mama and the man laughed.

Max suddenly wanted to do it again. He went closer and was going to poke the Thing again but the Thing grabbed his hand and _tasted_ his finger!

Max yelled a little; it didn't hurt but it was weird. Then Mama tried to pick him up while Thing's Dada came over.

"I'm really sorry about that; she's not usually a biter," he said. Max was making his Down noise a lot because he wanted to go back to the Thing and poke it more. He put his wet finger in his mouth and it tasted . . . good.

Mama and the man talked while he gave the Thing a rattle.

The Thing threw it far away.

Max decided he _liked_ the Thing.

"He seems fine," Mama said and carefully put Max on the floor. He crawled fast over to the Thing and looked at it again.

This time the Thing looked back at him. Max reached out and grabbed the Thing's overalls.

The Thing said "Ahhhhhmmmawwaaaaa!"

Max got the giggles. He crawled around the Thing in a big circle, and then it started to follow him and that was fun. Max stopped and then it was his turn to try and grab. He did, and _he_ tasted the Thing's fingers.

They tasted like juice!

The Thing did that squeaky noise again and Max _really _liked that because it made his tummy all funny inside.

"Max!" Mama said, and he looked up. Dada was there too!

Dada squatted down and turned his head a little to the side. Max knew that meant Dada was going to smile, and he did.

"Gotta let go of the girl-baby, MaxQuack."

Girl?

Max stared at the Thing again, suspiciously.

The Thing pulled its hand--_her _hand—and went "Ahhhwaaaama!" as she patted his face.

Mama and Dada laughed and Max didn't know what to do, so he huffed a little in warning that he might yell or cry, even though he didn't really want to.

"Cecilia?" it was the lady in the white coat, and now the Thing's dada was picking her up off the floor. Max watched her and when she went in the room with the lady in the white coat, Max felt bad.

Dada had him now, and was talking about lunch at the beach, but Max was still worried. He put an arm around Dada's neck and looked over his shoulder as they got ready to go. Max was still watching the door when he heard it.

Everybody heard it, because it was LOUD.

Max sighed sadly and put his head on Dada's shoulder.

Yep.

Thing got stuck too.

In the car, Max fussed about his seat while Mama and Dada talked. Mama called him a heartbreaker, but that was wrong because Max didn't break anything. He was careful.

Dada said it was a guy thing and Mama said no, it was a Stark thing, and hitting on girls before being a year old had to be a record.

Max was mad. He didn't hit the Thing. He _poked_ the Thing and that was okay.

Dada said it wasn't a record because when _he_ was a toddler, he had his ants eating out of his hand.

Max liked that. He liked ants. And hands were good for eating.

Ants were good for eating too, and Max thought about ants and eating.

But mostly, he thought about the Thing before he fell asleep, and he smiled.


End file.
